27-year-old daughter stops sending parents $400 monthly after she finds out it's going to her brother and not them: ‘My parents have been supplementing his rent, his groceries… with my money’

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  • A senior woman holds a debit card in her hand as she speaks on the phone with someone.
  • "AITA for stopping my monthly transfers to my parents after finding out where the money actually goes?"

    For context: 1 (27F) have been sending my parents $400 a month for the past two years.
  • They're not in a bad financial situation exactly, but my dad's income is inconsistent and my mom doesn't work, so I started contributing when I got a stable job.
  • I was happy to do it. It felt like the right thing. Last month I was visiting and my mom mentioned something offhand about helping my brother cover his rent.
  • I didn't think much of it at first but something felt off so I asked a few more questions.
  • Turns out my brother (24M) has not had a steady job in almost three years. He picks up occasional gig work but nothing consistent.
  • And my parents have been supplementing his rent, his groceries, and apparently a few other things for most of that time.
  • With my money. Nobody told me this was happening. I was told the money was going toward household expenses, my dad's medical bills, general things.
  • A stack of bills sits in a woman's back pocket.
  • My brother lives 40 minutes away in his own apartment. He is physically healthy and has a degree.
  • He has just chosen, for whatever reason, not to pursue stable employment and my parents have decided that's fine and apparently so should I.
  • When I confronted my mom she said she didn't tell me because she knew I'd "make it difficult." She's not wrong that I would have had opinions about it, but I think I had a right to know what I was actually funding.
  • I told them I'm pausing the transfers until we can have an honest conversation about where the money
  • My mom cried, my dad said I'm abandoning the family, and my brother texted me saying I'm being selfish and that he's "going through a hard time." He has been going through this particular hard time for 36 months.
  • I don't want to cut them off permanently and I'm not trying to punish anyone. But I also feel like I'm not obligated to fund a situation I wasn't even told about.
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